Wow.
Thats the first thing that comes to mind when I think about change. It really takes affect on me when I think about what all has changed in the past two years.
In family.
In friendships.
In love.
In death.
In loss.
In gain.
In school.
In the world.
In me. [internally and externally]
It blows my mind how many people take things for granted. I've become more aware of the things around me, and it makes me wonder why people want to destroy their lives when there are people who care. I mean, yeah, bad days/weeks/months/years suck. I have had all of those. and you know what? I've learned from it. It has changed me in many ways. Some of them in good ways, others in bad, but you know what? I deal with it.
Yeah, I will admit in this blog something that only two or three people know about me. I have had suicidal thoughts before. I have thought of suicide before. But you know what stopped that?
I thought about my mom. I thought about my friends. I thought about how it would affect the people around me. It scared me to death, because I did not want to think about that. I did not want to think about how many people it would hurt. I didn't want to think about what it would be like to be dead.
Its so odd. Thinking about it, I mean.
It takes a lot out of me to admit this online and knowing parts of my family read this, but you know? It could help someone. And I hope it does. I never wanted to admit this to anyone. Ever. Only two or three people knew about this, but think about this, if you truly know me then you know what I have had to go through for over 2 years. I'm not exactly ready to talk about all of this on here now, but one day I will.
Hopefully someone will read this and this help them more than ever.
I truly love my family and my friends. I couldn't put them through what I had to go through. Not that pain. That's why I decided to write this blog. Because you never know who is reading. You never know who you might help and not even know it.
I have a big heart. I can't stand people who act like they have these HUGE problems when they are so much smaller than they think. I choose to help people who are having these thoughts and threatening to commit suicide.
This is not bragging in any way, but my count is up to about 5 people who some have come to me more than once actually threatening suicide. Three actually tried to.
All five of these people are alive now. Not because of me. I do not wish to take credit of them still being alive, because it is not mine to take credit for. But they are alive because someone was willing to care. Someone was willing to talk them out of it. Someone was willing to tell them that there is more to life than what they think and they can get through this.
That person just happened to be me.
Yeah, I will admit in this blog something that only two or three people know about me. I have had suicidal thoughts before. I have thought of suicide before. But you know what stopped that?
I thought about my mom. I thought about my friends. I thought about how it would affect the people around me. It scared me to death, because I did not want to think about that. I did not want to think about how many people it would hurt. I didn't want to think about what it would be like to be dead.
Its so odd. Thinking about it, I mean.
It takes a lot out of me to admit this online and knowing parts of my family read this, but you know? It could help someone. And I hope it does. I never wanted to admit this to anyone. Ever. Only two or three people knew about this, but think about this, if you truly know me then you know what I have had to go through for over 2 years. I'm not exactly ready to talk about all of this on here now, but one day I will.
Hopefully someone will read this and this help them more than ever.
I truly love my family and my friends. I couldn't put them through what I had to go through. Not that pain. That's why I decided to write this blog. Because you never know who is reading. You never know who you might help and not even know it.
I have a big heart. I can't stand people who act like they have these HUGE problems when they are so much smaller than they think. I choose to help people who are having these thoughts and threatening to commit suicide.
This is not bragging in any way, but my count is up to about 5 people who some have come to me more than once actually threatening suicide. Three actually tried to.
All five of these people are alive now. Not because of me. I do not wish to take credit of them still being alive, because it is not mine to take credit for. But they are alive because someone was willing to care. Someone was willing to talk them out of it. Someone was willing to tell them that there is more to life than what they think and they can get through this.
That person just happened to be me.
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4 comments:
I like this.
Yeah, Hope is here.
That's my new thing. I'm wanting, really, to make some sort of nonprofit organization, sort of like TWLOHA, almost, and that will be the slogan. xD Seriously, though.
Really good post.
Great thing to share your experiences and what you've learned with others.
And what's that song by Big Fun again?!? :-)
Great writing, Jess.
and putting things into words is a great therapy for me anyway.
Hope your experiences help others.
Glad you are growing up... and Happy.
Although I still need those sunglasses. You are too young for them...and not the john lennons.
I LOVE YOU...
P.S.
COOL HEADER.
Great photoshop skills.
You inherited them from me no doubt....
but you are more creative than me.
CRAP.
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